Over the years, one of the most frequently read posts on this blog concerns the physical punishment of children. My position is clear and unambiguous: any physical discipline of children is a form of abuse.
You can read my original post here.
Of course, adults have a way of rationalizing all of their sick behaviors, including beating and humiliating their own children. Several have taken the time to write and defend spanking, hitting, physical abuse. The excuses all fall into certain categories:
“I was spanked and haven’t murdered anyone (yet), so it’s OK to beat my kids.”
“Children need discipline and it it takes a spanking to get their attention, so be it.”
“Spanking really doesn’t do any harm. My children were spanked and they are all good, productive members of society.”
“Spanking has nothing to do with me and my need to control things. I do it for the children.”
“There’s no permanent damage, physically or psychologically, so what’s the big deal?”
Well, for those of you who are fans of corporal punishment, here’s a story from North Carolina about a mother and father who no doubt thought they were doing the right thing. Their 13 year-old was not behaving the way they wanted so they tied him to a tree to spend the night. No doubt the father and stepmother expected a change in perspective in their errant child. Instead, they ended up with a corpse and murder and felony child abuse charges.
According to an Associated Press report:
A 13-year-old left tied to a tree as punishment for 18 hours in June had been badly beaten and likely died from dehydration and heat stroke, an autopsy report showed. The report, made public Monday, also says Tyler McMillan’s body was covered with insect bites and he had bruises caused by a rod-like instrument and flesh missing from his buttocks. Marks on his wrists and ankles show he may have been restrained with plastic ties. Authorities say Tyler McMillan’s parents found him unresponsive on June 12 after he had been tied to a tree overnight as punishment. His father, Brice McMillan, and stepmother, Sandra McMillan, have been charged with murder and felony child abuse.
The report says Tyler McMillan’s body temperature was 105.6 degrees when he arrived at the hospital. Brice McMillan told a deputy the teen was tied to a tree and forced to sleep outside on June 10 because he was being disobedient. Tyler McMillan was released the next morning, but again tied up that night for bad behavior. Both parents are scheduled to appear in an Edgecombe County courtroom on Jan. 13, 2009.
You can read the AP story here.
I know that most of the parents who abuse their children by spanking, hitting, and humiliating them will proclaim that their behavior has nothing in common with what happened to this teen. Let me ask: Do you think the parents in this case thought of themselves as abusers? Killers?
Of course not!
They thought they were doing the right thing and we acting in the best interests of the child. And so, most parents who hit their kids deny any long term consequences and always excuse what they do for the reasons I listed above.
But once you act violently towards your children, you have crossed the line from parent to abuser, from someone focused on helping your child become a self-sufficient, mentally and physically healthy adult, to a tyrant who thinks he has a right to impose his self-will over another, helpless being. Once you believe you have that right — and that God-given duty — you can easily convince yourself that you have the right to hit harder, more often, more painfully, more destructively.
From there, the path from a “gentle spanking” to murder and felony child abuse charges is a lot shorter than you think.
A Rake's Progress 
it is amazing what people would do to their kids.
part of my project call dream hungry provide kids with a safe haven so that they can come and get away from the violences.
I hope to have your support to build our first base so that we can continued to expand further.
http://www.dreamhungry.com
if you can’t donate, please help us by posting a link to our project on your website/blog.
thank you.
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Excellent point on a very very sad story.
My perspective is that government policy could go a long way in assisting parents, build parenting skills to combat their violence to children. I am not blaming policy for the whole problem, as it is needs a multi facetted co-ordinated solution of which policy is only one part. I am saying, that we are taught in school how to read and write and later taught specific skills to gain employment, but our curriculums are sadly lacking in skills that assist rearing children.
Most mothers are expected to care for totally dependant infants with no formal qualifications and in isolated environments (homes) with little support (Dads and extended families who too have limited skills if they are present) …a truely frightening experience. We offer years of training for other jobs requiring this level of commitment and responsibility! If we want quality in child rearing, we need to take the responsibility of the role seriously and give parents a chance to be successful, engaged and hopeful carers. Sometimes, only sometimes, violence is the result of despairing parents……I have no doubt that all parents want to be successful in raising their kids. Adults are just grown up children…full of the hope that they are valuable and can contribute to our society too.
IDEA: Send your local Govt rep a request to fund more parenting skills in education…not just at the end of the cycle of violence.
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The article said the dad told the deputy he had tied him to a tree overnight. Where is the police sword to protect? Why was the child allowed to leave with the parents after they had admitted they had abused him?
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No excuses for this type of behavior. Obviously these parents had mental issues. They were child abusers who beat their children. According to the bible children can be disciplined if it is done in love by loving parent and not out of the parents frustration. My mother always sat down with me, explained why she was going to spank me and 99.9 % of the time, I deserved it. My mother never struck me that hard…the hurt came from knowing that I had disappointed her not from a spank. She always prayed with me before and after. She never displayed anger and she talked to me about my behavior. This article makes it sound like all of us who say we were spanked , were actually beat….there is a difference! Find out what God (our creator) has to say about it. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotton son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. This article proves why it’s important for all of us to stay in the word of
God. Oh and what was said about a thin line between spanking and murder… a bit far-fetched. Again, those people clearly had mental issues.
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How, exactly, do you get from spanking a child to murder (“the path from a “gentle spanking” to murder and felony child abuse charges is a lot shorter than you think.”)
Your post mentions spanking a zillion times, and references the McMillans murdering their child. You end with the conclusion that spanking = abuse (which was the point you started with), and murder = abuse, so spanking = murder.
What the hell is wrong with you?
A GREAT percentage of our adult population got spanked at one point in their life or another. This is purely anecdotal, but a small sample (n=50 or so) of my friends shows that 50/50 got spanked at some time in their lives. 0% were subsequently murdered. 0 % subsequently murdered their children.
I don’t care for spanking my own children, but it’s a matter of personal taste.
Not a shrill, overwrought, and completely dramatic insistence-by-repetition that my way is the only way.
If you don’t want to spank your kids, then don’t. And kindly keep your mouth closed about the matter, unless you have something valid and pertinent to say.
Jesus.
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This is a horrible article. What could that child have possible done to receive that type of discipline? Do you see adults tied up for their acts of violence or law breaking? NO! The worst part is children are still new to this world and are still learning right from wrong. Everything they do is a learning experience, which is why it is so important to practice positive discipline. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Does anyone else notice how the people who go to church and are religious are the people who believe spanking is right? What the hell is wrong with those people? They have beliefs in something which has never been proven and yet they also believe in something which has been proven to be harmful to the development of children. Wow! That is all I can say. Wow! Really? Wow!
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