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Crackle tortures audience, Robin WilliamsIt’s been a long time since I’ve watched anything on Crackle via my ROKU device. Last night’s experience reminded me how nauseating “free” movie channels like Crackle can be.

I decided to watch Robin Williams in Man of the Year. I picked that movie by mistake — I thought it was the movie he did with Bobcat Goldthwait. That movie is called World’s Greatest Dad. That’s supposed to be a good movie. This one, the one I watched on Crackle, sucked.

Man of the Yearis about a comedian (Williams) who runs for president and wins — thanks to a corrupt computer that counts everyone’s vote as a vote for Williams. The only person, besides the audience, who knows this is Laura Linney.

As the intro credits rolled I realized my mistake, but thought – heck, it’s got Robin Williams — how bad could it be?

Truth is, it could be very very bad. And it got very bad very very quickly. Robin was just fine and I’ve always enjoyed Laura Linney. But the demented writer and director of this movie played a long, tedious game of catch with the truth about Williams’ character. We, the audience, had long figured it out, but the director found one lame excuse after another to interrupt the moment when Linney owned up to Williams about the fraudulent election. One plot coincidence I can take; five or six sadistic plot coincidences and I am ready to turn myself in to the Brunswick police as a menace to myself and my cranky old neighbors (none of whom, including the director of this movie, deserve to live).

Did I get through it? I’m here writing this, aren’t I? My strategy was to use the mute button during the zillion commercials to avoid hearing the same eczema (I’m fine!) commercials over and over and over again. (What happened to a good, old-fashioned flaying? Just remove the bitches skin and she’ll be really fine. . .and dead!)

If you want to watch Man of the Year, please do. But be kind to yourself and watch it on some other cable channel besides Crackle. I don’t want to read about any other angry maniacs roaming the streets, skinning old people alive. That’s my job.