If you have any doubt as to whether a slap is abuse or not, try this. The next time another adult disagrees with you, hit his or her behind and see what happens. Why is it that when we do this to a child, it is acceptable, but the exact same action done to an adult is a criminal offense?
It is a myth that children who were never physically disciplined or punished grow up to be tyrants and bullies with a sense of entitlement. What is so preposterous about this tired argument is that the adjectives used to describe a child who was not spanked, are the adjectives used to describe children who have been abused. Those children can and do grow up to be tyrants and bullies with a sense of entitlement.
The age-old “I got spanked and I turned out just fine” excuse is the most pathetic of all. You can’t come up with a better method of raising your child, other than blindly following what your parents did?
An adult who hits their child has not turned out just fine. This instinct to inflict physical pain on our children is passed down like a genetic flaw. How can we expect our children to evolve if the adults setting the example are still engaging in this primitive behaviour?
Another ridiculous argument in favor of hitting is that it doesn’t really hurt if done properly. Exactly how does one hit a child properly? The theory is that it humiliates the child. Therefore, no matter how lightly you hit, it causes harm, even if only psychological. Parents say they are doing it out of love. Please tell me how you hit someone out of love. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you are committing an act of violence against a fellow human being, who just happens to be your own child!
It’s convenient for parents who use physical discipline, to categorize the varying degrees of physical assault. “Hitters” gauge how hard to strike and where on the body to strike so as not to leave a bruise or draw blood, for the soul purpose of ensuring that they are not crossing the line into abuse. As soon as you inflict physical pain upon a child, whether with a single smack or multiple blows with a belt, you have already crossed the line.
Rearing children to become happy, successful adults can be done without ever striking them for any reason. Not all parents hit. The children who were not physically disciplined or punished are not the adults who are now sending the world to hell in a hand-basket.
Adults who end up in therapy aren’t traumatized over the fact that they weren’t slapped when they were kids and our prisons are not filled with children who never got a spanking, either. Until the “hitters” get this silly notion out of their heads that they will cause their child more harm by talking instead or hitting, this insanity will never end.
Why do you get so defensive when someone dares challenge your parental techniques? Think about what you are defending. You are defending the right to inflict physical pain on your child! And for what? What horrible, earth-shattering crime does a child commit that you have to resort to such measures?
If a swat on the behind or a smack on the hand didn’t hurt but was neutral or even pleasurable, they would be completely ineffective and parents wouldn’t do it. The fact that you do, proves that you knowingly cause pain to coerce the child into doing what you want.
Any parent who hits their kid and states that they have not lost control, is in denial. Any parent who hits their child is a lazy parent who wants instant results. They don’t want to put any effort into communicating with their child. There is a default setting built into
parents: if in doubt, hit.
Then there’s the excuse that kids don’t come with a manual so you’re doing the best you can. No, you are not! Children do come with manuals now. Countless books, which are readily available, contain valuable information on raising children without using physical discipline. Inflicting pain is not necessary, therefore, why put your child through it at all?
Parents who “hit” but claim it is not “abuse,” are adamant that children who have been physically disciplined turn out okay. Every child’s psychological makeup is different. Parents who use physical discipline and punishment assume their child will never commit an act of violence when they become adults. You have no way of knowing this.
However, you have guaranteed they will hit someone when they are an adult— their own children.
Having been both spanked and beaten as a child, Erica knows that there is no difference between the two. All physical discipline and all physical punishment is child abuse and she is living proof of it.