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Maybe I tuned in at exactly the wrong moment, but for about 20 minutes I heard and saw nothing political, just music that reminded me of Soul Train and the white black music that made us high school aged baby boomers feel cool and hip.

Adding insult to injury, the CNN cameras cut away to fat men and ugly old women trying to dance. Thankfully, I am hidden here behind a computer screen, not likely to be caught on national TV shoving my great girth across the tube.

Are all Democrats bad dancers? Or just those who make it onto prime time television?

Watching Nancy Pelosi speaking is like watching a ferret trying to escape from a spinning wheel. It is amusing for two minutes then quickly turns into cruel entertainment. We should not have to watch human beings suffer or inflict such suffering on others.

And it was boring. So far all of this convention has been a yawner.

Ted Kennedy woke some people up. He looked better than i expected. Even with his misguided adoration of all things Barack, I still respect the work he has done in the Senate.

Before Ted we had Jesse Jackson, Jr., a speaker with half the intelligence and rhetorical talent of his father. He seems to think that if he sounds angry enough, looks stern enough, and speaks loudly enough, that people will suddenly get whatever he is trying to tell us. What WAS the message? I knows that Obama was in there somewhere, but JJJ could have been lecturing us about any black leader anywhere.

The audience, in Denver and on the cool side of the TV screen, are bored with the generalities, the predictable hosannas to peace, change, unity, dreams, the future. When will someone tell us the truth with out gilding it in weedy language and pretentious metaphor?

Now here’s Jim Leach, a GOP cross-dresser who has dumped his party for BO. I remember that he once did something important — what was it? Was it against the Clinton impeachment? Did he help pass some liberal Supreme Court justice?  Leach is from Iowa and is giving us a political lesson about the triumph of principle over politics — the lack of bipartisanship in Congress.

Do they have a school for monotone? Do all white, baby boomer politicians go there? Or are they on the faculty, training a new generation of boring speakers?

“America needs a new generation of leadership. . .a transcendent candidate.” Leach needs a transcending enema. He is as stiff as a week old cadaver. Not exactly a triumphant endorsement of BO. Perhaps Leach is trying to keep his options open and not appear too much in love, just in case he has to crawl back to the GOP.

I hate these family political introductions — a son, two menstruating younger sisters dressed like extras in a Sound of Music high school production. Well, they are up there introducing their mother, who is a senator from some state in the middle of the country that we all drive through or fly over as quickly as possible. Mom is proud of her children. (Ah! Surprise!) She’s wearing too much makeup, speaks too fast, and is telling another personal “how I lived the American dream” story, Everyone it seems has student loans. Thank you, American taxpayers! “It’s an American story.”

Duh. Heard that back in the 60s, I think.

Where’s Anne Richardson when we need her? That MO senator just ended with “libery and justice for all.” Does she have any pride?

Now it’s time to get the Michelle “Hate My Country” Obama story.  She was close to her dad.  Put her head on his lap. Sweet.  Here’s some clips of Michelle — doesn’t she look like a weight lifter or kung fu warrior? She’s about twice his size and can probably throw Obama across the waterbed. She’s a mean looking momma.

Question of the night: Will she say from the podium, “I am proud to be an American. I have ALWAYS been proud to be an American!” Applause! Applause!

Dad is looking down on Michelle tonight, proud because of what she has accomplished in her own right. And that is? ? ? Oh, taking care of the girls.

“My husband will make an extraordinary president.”

Listening to her talk about their families I think of Garrison Keillor, Prairie Home Companion, and Lake Wobegon: “Where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.”

Michelle looks like she uses Oprah Winfrey’s hairdresser and make-up artist.

Big applause line for HIllary Clinton. And now Big Bad Joe.

HERE it is: “This is why I love this country!” (Saw this coming.) Talks about leaving big law firm to work in public service, but isn’t her salary over $300,000 running low income housing? Poor Michelle!

This is an Oscar level performance. Will the tears come? Does her voice quiver with emotion? Is any of this real or has she been listening to Barack and Deval Patrick too long?

Tell me she’s gonna cry! No, please! Don’t do this, Michelle! Tucking your little girl in and thinking of all those anonymous Americans at home with their own babies — what a shameless ham! This is real? Keep smiling, honey, think about your daddy and your little girl, since all of that brings us to this moment and brings Barack Obama to the White House.

Where’s my drink!

Oops!! Just looked up and saw something I didn’t want to see. That woman has a caboose the size of Montana! She’s hugging and talking to her girls now but the size of her ass and hips are taking up half the screen!

More. . .