Let’s see now. . . .

If I worked as a reporter for some large national news organization, whether it’s NPR, Fox News, AP, or NBC News, where would I rather spend my time? In the backwaters of rural New Hampshire, swatting black flies and sitting in half-empty rooms with local big-shots who have no idea how important I am? Or would I rather be in some exciting, happening big city like Chicago or Las Vegas or even New York City?

Easy choice. First, there’s plenty for me to do during my down time — shows, bars,  art museums (right, like I’d really go there on my day off! I’m just saying that so you know how sophisticated I am) — always an important consideration when I spend long periods away from home.

Second, I might run into an editor or producer for an even better gig. We’ll have some beers. He’ll see how really brilliant I am with all this political stuff. Who knows? I could be Brian Williams’ next replacement! At the least, the local stations will call me in for that “expert” viewpoint I always have. A little face time with the local cable station never hurts.

Another reason, there’s the people you run into in New Hampshire if you’re not running into a moose or a deer or something else that can come crashing through the windshield of your rented Ford SUV.

Those people are boring as hell. They are all the same, 99% white I believe, a bunch of unsophisticated country rubes — “syrup sucking squirrel watchers” indeed! Most of them are in bed in their flannel jammies by ten o’clock. Believe me, they’re not screwing either!

And then they have that annoying arrogance that says, “Hey! We’re important ’cause we vote first. Look at us! Interview us! We’re tough on those pols! Wow, we’re good, aren’t we? We’re not like you Ivy League pansies from New York and DC.”

How I hate those idiots! I’d rather listen to Imus.

Then there’s one other factor. That whiteness thing.

It really bothers me. No cool, no vibes, no sass, no brotha or sista. I believe in diversity, man! That’s how I got my scholarship to Northwestern. I’m not black and I’m not white but I got something special that opened wide the vaults of higher education. I have a moral responsibility to my homeys, to continue the celebration of diversity and keep the cash flowing. That can’t happen if a group of cow-town Yankees gets to call the shots.

So, New Hampshre? It’s time for that sorry gig to fade into the history books. Let’s take those primaries to the Windy City! The Strip! Times Square!

Now that’s the face of America!

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